June 23, 2003
MP:Life of Brian
Recalling a favorite scene in Monty Python's Life of Brian.
The setting: Roman-controlled Judea, circa 30 A.D. The Roman Colosseum, Jerusalem. Children's Matinee.
The players: The People's Front of Judea (PFJ) are sitting in the arena stands, discussing the importance of diversity in their fight against the oppressors. Brian is working selling snacks to the crowd. (Dog's tongues. Wren's livers. Jaguar's earlobes.Wolf nipple chips. Dromedary prezels. Tuscany fried bats.)
Brian approaches the PFJ...
| Brian | Are you the Judean People's Front? |
| Reg | F--- off. |
| Brian | What? |
| Reg | Judean People's Front. (scoffs) We're the People's Front of Judea. Judean People's front, caw. |
| Francis | Wankers. |
| Brian | Can I join your group? |
| Reg | No. Piss off. |
| Brian | I didn't want to sell this stuff. It's only a job. I hate the Romans as much as anybody. |
| PFJ | [nervously] Sssh! Ssssh, sssh, sssh, ssssh. |
| Judith | Are you sure? |
| Brian | Oh. Dead sure... I hate the Romans already. |
| Reg | Listen. If you really wanted to join the PFJ, you'd have to really hate the Romans. |
| Brian | I do. |
| Reg | Oh yeah? How much? |
| Brian | A lot! |
| Reg | Right. You're in. Listen. The only people we hate more than the Romans are the f---ing Judean People's Front |
| PFJ | [together, nodding in agreement] Yeah |
| Judith | [disgusted] Splitters |
| Francis | And the Judean Popular Peoples Front. |
| PFJ | Oh yeah. Splitters. |
| Loretta | And the peoples Front of Judea. |
| PFJ | Splitters. |
| Reg | What? |
| Loretta | The Peoples front of Judea. Splitters. |
| Reg | We're the Peoples front of Judea. |
| Loretta | Oh. I thought we were the Popular Front. |
| Reg | Peoples Front! [scoffs] |
| Francis | Whatever happened to the Popular Front, Reg? |
| Reg | He's over there. |
| [A single old man sits on a lower seat.] | |
| PFJ | [To the old man.] SPLITTER! |
Look here for this scene, with sound clips, and here for the entire script. A discussion on Mike's blog put this in my head.
None of it had anything to do with Glory Horns. But they're welcome just the same.
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