May 26, 2004

When Cicadas Attack

Recalling the incident when President Carter was attacked by an aquatically-inclined killer rodent, our current President (or, as he is inappropriately referred to on talk radio “our commander-in-chief”) had his own wildlife run-in recently.

Emboldened by the emergence of “brood x” or perhaps in some sort of berserker-frenzy at the smell of blood from the president’s recent face plant. Whatever the reason for this little insect’s moment of supreme cheek, it took flight, menacing the president’s airspace.

Bush immediately declared it a “terrist,” causing hurt feelings. It turns out the cicada was a Reagan-voter 17 years ago. Nonetheless, Bush called for a no fly zone to be established. Aides nearby did not bother to explain the difference between a fly and a cicada because… well, what’s the point, really? Instead, they might consider adding cicadas to the president’s menu. Yummier than deep fried bull testicles! (aka Texas Fries) (Thanks to Patti for sending along those recipes)

Dubiously Related Links

- Face Plant
- The Brood
- Killer Swan
- Bush vs. Cicada @ Wonkette

Posted by James at May 26, 2004 9:41 AM
Create Social Bookmark Links

Even though we are north of the cicada zone, it must be remembered that these horny teenagers have emerged from the ground (hell?) for one purpose and one purpose only: fornication.

What must the Christian Right (sic) think of Our Commander-in-Chief's being attacked by one of these unclean sex obsessed demons?

The bottom line is that these bugs would not be within 100 yards of our fearless leader were it not for the liberal media elites' attack on this righteous, god-appointed man.

More proof of the necessity of myriad constitutional amendments and a press oversight committee.

When we allow this to happen, the terrorists win.

Posted by: Steve at May 26, 2004 10:14 AM

Steve, you are a very funny man.

Posted by: Patti M. at May 26, 2004 10:32 AM

Dare I say it?

Why do the cicadas hate America so?

Posted by: James at May 26, 2004 10:48 AM

Someone here in my office just saw the picture and said perhaps bin Laden had sicced the cicada on the president, and then she wondered aloud whether it was a cicada that would blow up.

Posted by: Patti M. at May 26, 2004 10:51 AM

Looks like the godly men at National Review read Aces:

Posted by: Steve at May 26, 2004 12:11 PM

Another example of how lower life forms seek their own kind.

Posted by: Chuck S. at May 26, 2004 8:58 PM

Chuck: are you talking about the bugs or the dudes at the National Review?

Perhaps the answer to my question is "yes."

Posted by: Patti M. at May 27, 2004 2:32 PM

I was attacked by a cicada in Cincinnati. Seriously. Those things are nuts. We were walking around near the Procter & Gamble HQ and there were a million of them all over the ground, just dying. I think the one that attacked me died because of it too.

Posted by: Bil at June 3, 2004 12:56 AM

Perhaps it mistook you for the preznit!

Posted by: James at June 3, 2004 2:38 AM

Copyright © 1999-2007 James P. Burke. All Rights Reserved