November 3, 2004

Religion Laid Bear

A priest, a Baptist minister and a rabbi were having a little friendly wager about which of them was the best at preaching to the unchurched. They agreed among themselves that anybody can preach to a human being, but if you’re really good you ought to be able to go out and win yourself a bear as a convert. So they all went out in the woods and a week later they came back to compare notes.

The priest went first, and he had a bunch of scratches and bruises and bandages to show. He told the others, “I found myself a bear and tried to baptize him, but he started to slap me around, so I wrestled him to the ground, and sprinkled holy water on him. Once I did that, he was gentle as a lamb.”

The Baptist minister, who was on crutches with a broken leg and a few missing teeth, also said he had found a bear to convert, “but I can’t just sprinkle him, I gotta dunk him to baptize, and the bear didn’t want to be dunked. So I rassled him and we managed to roll down a hill into the river, and I grabbed him and dunked him, and once he was baptized, that bear started to study the scriptures with me.”

The poor rabbi looked up from his hospital bed. He was in a full body cast and a head wrap with black eyes and a broken nose, one arm and one leg in traction. He weakly said, “Teaching the Torah was easy, but oy! You ever try to circumcise a bear?”

Posted by James at November 3, 2004 10:49 PM
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