July 3, 2005

Reglurgitate

To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.

To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.

To realize the value of FIVE MINUTES, think of how much time you waste every time you read one of these “inspirational” glurges.

Treasure every moment that you have! (i.e. Get a good spam filter and tell your friends and family to stop sending you saccharine platitudes.)

Yesterday is history because you spent all day cleaning up your mail.

Tomorrow it’s a mystery what sort of junk you’re going to find in your inbox.

Today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present!!

Send this to 15 people who would probably much prefer an actual personal message.

Posted by James at July 3, 2005 12:53 PM
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Comments

Thank you! I *so* hate shite of this nature.

Posted by: Chuck S. at July 3, 2005 11:27 PM

I'd rather have that than the hateful shit I used to get from my friends and relatives about how the world is going to shit because kids aren't forced to pray in school or how we should boycott Target because they're French-owned.

Posted by: Man. Robot. Monster!! at July 4, 2005 11:18 AM

If you're really lucky, you can get both.

That crazy anti-French jingoistic bullcrap is harder to make fun of, because it is already so ridiculous.

The proper response ot such emails is usually: "You've caught an idiot virus, and your attempt to infect me didn't succeed."

Posted by: James at July 4, 2005 11:52 AM

My father and my sister are the only people who send me this kind of stuff regularly. I've cured everyone else (or at least made them take me off their lists) but I can't get those two to stop.

Posted by: Julie at July 4, 2005 12:19 PM

One of the guys I know (I wouldnt call him a friend) sends me all this "USA USA USA!" crap all the time. Im sick of it, and doesnt take no for an answer. Id block him completely except he's part of a list that Im on. ARGH.

Posted by: Bob McCown at July 4, 2005 8:38 PM

There's gotta be a way you can have a script send him an automated response.

See, when robots send to stuff, there's got to be a programming solution.

Posted by: James at July 4, 2005 11:33 PM

I remember my dad sent me this list of horribly offensive "jokes" the day we started bombing Afghanistan. He's always been pretty nationalistic to begin with, and like most Americans just turned downright evil after September 11th.

Anyway, I replied to the jokes basically saying I thought they were really fucked up and people dying was no laughing matter. I asked him how he would have felt if he saw the same jokes about the victims of the Sept. 11th attacks.

The thing is, he had sent this list of jokes to pretty much everyone he knew. And I accidentally hit "reply all". So this included his boss, his coworkers, people in his professional organization, etc.

And my whole family came down on *me* for it. Saying I made him look bad.

But at least he never sent me anything like that again.

Posted by: manrobotmonster at July 5, 2005 8:32 AM

Send back a lengthy message containing best recipes for fecal matter. Item 1 can be the "Unoriginal Crap Sandwich".

Hey you were just passing along something you thought they would be interested in, right?

Posted by: Chuck S. at July 5, 2005 9:17 AM

Here's one of the best parodies of the sanctimonious e-mail genre:

-------------------------
I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started."

So I looked around my house to see all the things I had started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of both Prozac and Valium prescriptions, the rest of the cheesecake, some saltines and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel. Please pass this on to those you feel are in need of inner peace.
-------------------------

Posted by: Mike at July 12, 2005 9:43 AM

That's hilarious, Mike. Love it. Thanks for passing it along.

I guess that in my mind, the world would be a better place if people sent more jokes and fewer sanctimonious pieces. And fewer angry jingoistic pieces as well.

Jokes, I like.

Of course, I also like it when people trim down the half a million headers so that I feel like even though I'm getting a mass-mailing, you tried to make it easier for me to read the actual relevant part.

Posted by: James at July 12, 2005 4:51 PM

I referenced your post and got a few comments myself. I linked to you but also did a trackback to you.
http://garysaid.com/chapters/2005_07_03.php

I just noticed in my logs a trackback error (I thought it was incoming when I started looking, not outgoing). Then I discovered I was pinging this entry (many times). And for some goofy reason it looks like it's been getting pinged every few weeks. (rebuilds, changes, whatever [last night I was fixing posts without categories]).

I apologize for all the trackbacks. I just checked and it was still in the trackback list, I just removed it. Something from MT must not be getting/sending the confirmation signal. Because it clearly failed every time... :(

FYI - It appears to get some form of error (500) at the time and must save it to try again later. ("failed: HTTP error: 500 read timeout")

Posted by: Gary LaPointe at September 18, 2005 10:53 AM

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