July 10, 2005

WHICH IS "LAMER?" (groin edition)

What is more lame?

  1. Stickers depicting Calvin peeing on something.
  2. Bumper Nuts - an artificial scrotum for your car. (Warning:if you have any sense of taste at all, you will weep).

Vote and discuss.

What's Lamer? Bumper Nuts or Peeing Calvin?
Peeing Calvin
Bumper Nuts
Free polls from Pollhost.com
Posted by James at July 10, 2005 8:50 PM
Create Social Bookmark Links

Well the peeing calvin is annoying but the bumper nuts is incredibly annoying. If it's not appropriate to walk around with your testicles showing, it's not appropriate to hang faux balls from your rear bumper.

Posted by: Chuck S. at July 10, 2005 11:23 PM

Why did I look????

Posted by: Maggie at July 10, 2005 11:45 PM

I didn't think anything could be lamer than the "peeing Calvin," which I just don't get (and that's just fine), but then along came "bumper nuts."

What is wrong with men that they have to have their appendages visible on their trucks? What is up with that? You don't see "tailgate titties" on cars, do you?

Men, speak for your sex.

Posted by: Patti M. at July 11, 2005 8:12 AM

I'll thank you to not use sweeping generalizations when referring to our sex.

Posted by: Mike at July 11, 2005 8:15 AM

I can certainly picture some women getting the idea to hang a scrotum on their bumper as some sort of trophy. It's not inconceivable.

I guess to me the question is why would anyone do it.

I notice that while they come in a variety of colors (9 in all) including one described as "flesh" -- none of the colors is a dark brown, or even tan. I guess they don't expect any dark-skinned customers.

However, you can get it it chrome, camo and gold.

Posted by: James at July 11, 2005 8:43 AM

In a sort-of-related-but-not-really-way, I have the following story.

About 10 years ago, a friend of mine found out he had testicular cancer. Along with all the tests, were a set of psychological screenings and evaluations, apparently to judge his acceptance of this. He recounts during one of the sessions, the Dr said "You know, they do have prosthetics", and he replied "Brass?".

Posted by: Bob McCown at July 11, 2005 9:16 AM

I think Calvin peeing is lamer, because it's just plain stupid.

I mean, bumpernuts is stupid too, but at least it sort of makes sense, in that some people (not just men, nor all men) think of their vehicles as an extension of the male ego, or something.

But if Hobbes ever caught Calvin peeing on something, he'd smack him up good. Plus, I'm just damn sick of seeing Calvin peeing on stuff. He's old enough to know how to use a toilet.

Soon he will be old enough to drive and then no doubt he will want a pair of bumpernuts for his vehicle, but Hobbes won't let him.

Posted by: Julie at July 11, 2005 9:41 AM
Men, speak for your sex.

I was once parking my car at a local hardware store when a couple college-aged women in a jalopy parked next to me. Prominently displayed on the rear passenger window was a big (about 8" high) sticker featuring the ubiquitous 'squirrell with huge testicles' and the statement "Helloooo Ladies!".

"Daddy, what's wrong with that squirrell?" my daughter asked, for she was in the car with me. >:-[

So firstly, in a thoughtless moment anybody--male or female--can publicly display something in a forum where it is not appropriate.

And secondly, it doesn't seem to matter who is speaking for the male sex, the statement appears to be the same. :-/

Posted by: Chuck S. at July 11, 2005 9:52 AM

I agree with Maggie: why did I look.

That is just obnoxious.

Posted by: Sara at July 11, 2005 9:59 AM

Because everyone is curious when they see a link labeled "an artificial scrotum for your car."

Posted by: James at July 11, 2005 10:06 AM

Different colors? Icky icky eww eww eww! Why am I continuing to read this posting?

Posted by: Patti M. at July 11, 2005 10:07 AM

Of the choices on that website the only mildly appropriate color is blue.

Posted by: Mike at July 11, 2005 10:12 AM

You know, I just can't judge which is lamer. They're both *offensive.* Peeing Calvin is offensive because, as Julie points out, it's completely out of character. It's defamation of fictional character, or something. It's so out of character, somebody had to tell me that it was Calvin. I just thought it was an obnoxious little cracker.

As for the other, it's about the most tasteless thing I've ever seen without being hurtful. So I guess it's innocuous enough, just incredibly tasteless. I'm not looking again, so I'm able to discuss it without that image coloring my opinion.

And speaking of colors, I have a feeling that it doesn't come in African-American colors because the target audience is Southern, and somebody's afraid it would be interpreted as a racist trophy. That's my take.

Posted by: Maggie at July 11, 2005 10:21 AM

Now, Maggie. Are you trying to suggest that there is racism in the South? What would Karma say if she heard you? ;-)

I can't decide which is lamer, partially because I didn't follow the link. I read the comments, used my imagination, and realized I don't need to see testicles dangling from a car.

Neither item really makes sense. Why would Calvin be peeing on something with that evil grin. That grin is reserved for his most creative mischief. What message is the driver trying to convey? I'm so cool that I'll pee on anything. Great. You and the dog.

And the bumper nuts defies explanation. Why would your car have testicles? What's the message there? My car is not a eunuch? And the card has testicles but no penis? It's the new Mercury Bobbitt!

So, one has to be lamer. Saying it's a tie is a copout. I'll say the bumper nuts are lamer. Calvin defamation is a crime, but the nuts are just plain stupid.

Posted by: briwei at July 11, 2005 11:10 AM

Today is Sweeping Generalization Day. Ready?

I think the fact that these "bumper nuts" are for trucks says a lot. I generally don't expect a guy who drives a pick-up to wax poetic on Plato's Epistomological Problem of how man learns, savvy?

Posted by: Patti M. at July 11, 2005 1:13 PM

I find the Bumper Nuts lamer because it's the last thing an inappropriately-aggressive, testosterone-crazed, sexually-insecure man (I honestly don't see any woman buying these for themselves) needs on his car or truck.

Having 0, 1 or 2 natural testicles does not make you any more or less of a man...so how does having visibly artificial ones help? I don't get these things and I really don't get that squirrel sticker Chuck saw?

Plus I don't like when peachy colored things are called flesh-toned; no ones skin is that color!

Posted by: sharon at July 11, 2005 1:27 PM

Sharon, I am not going back to that website to confirm, but I think there were pictures of those squirrels on the website. Maybe it's the company logo, or another product?

I don't know why those ugly things disturbed me so much; maybe it's the unnaturalness of them. As somebody pointed out, they're missing a rather essential component. Alone, what is the point?

Posted by: Maggie at July 11, 2005 2:02 PM

That squirrel appears often in the forums of the uber-cynical website FARK.com. I don't know if they started the trend but they certainly popularized it.

Posted by: Mike at July 11, 2005 2:05 PM

I wonder how many bumpernuts enthusiasts would be offended to see a woman nursing a baby in public.

Posted by: Julie at July 11, 2005 3:09 PM

In keeping with the stereotype theme, I'm going to guess none. But they'd all be trying to catch a glimpse of nipple.

Posted by: briwei at July 11, 2005 3:30 PM

Brian, how right you are.

Posted by: Patti M. at July 12, 2005 8:07 AM

Copyright © 1999-2007 James P. Burke. All Rights Reserved