November 17, 2005

Republicans Demand Investigation of Truth, Cite Liberal Bias

WASHINGTON (AFOL) Senate and House of Representatives Republican leaders called for an in-depth investigation into “the truth” claiming that recent appearances of “the truth” seem to be biased toward liberals.

House Speaker Dennis Hastert, R.-Ill., and Majority Leader Bill Frist, R-Tenn., dispatched an official letter to the chairmen of both the Senate and House intelligence committees asking them to initiate a joint inquiry into why the truth has been so troublesome. Of specific concern is why the truth was more often than not at odds with the message that the Bush administration and the Congressional Republican Leadership have been giving to the American people.

The letter states that the truth “could have long-term and far-reaching, damaging and dangerous consequences to Republicans, and will imperil our efforts to remain in office.”

Senator Trent Lott, R-Miss., told FOX News that he believes the truth may be coming from somewhere outside of the control of the current Republican majority government. He said that some of the information he is seeing reported in the media bears little resemblance to Republican talking points.

President Bush addressed the nation Thursday morning, supporting the investigation and voicing administration concerns about the truth. “Reasonable people can disagree about what is going on in the world, but it is irresponsible for the truth to contradict how we misled the American people.”

Not being able to resist taking a direct swipe at critics of the Iraq war, the president had this to say about prewar intelligence. “Leaders in my administration and members of the United States Congress from both political parties looked at the same carefully crafted White House intelligence reports on Iraq, and reached the same conclusion. It wasn’t until after the truth started to rear its dangerous head that my poll numbers began to drop.”

The president then issued a dire warning, seemingly off the script. “If my popularity was to have fell below 25%, that would be a mere… a clear message to our enemies that the American people want another terrorist attack. It is deeply irresponsible for pollsters and the American people to ally themselves with terrorists in this way. Terrorists are folks who watch CNN just like you do. Except the terrorist is sitting there with explosives waiting for the poll numbers to drop.”

Assuming that the investigation will confirm that the truth is biased against conservative Republicans, the congressional leadership is already crafting a bill to balance the truth. A political commission will be formed to monitor the truth and counterbalance it with new “fairness information” that will soften the truth and make it more palatable to Republican sensibilities. The leadership is working with Vice President Dick Cheney and consulting with organizations that are already familiar with modifying the truth to suit specific purposes. Most notable among them are the pro-Creationism “Discovery Institute” and FOX News Channel.

Scott McClellan further clarified the Administrations position in yesterday’s press briefing.

Q: “I’d like you to clear up, once and for all, the ambiguity about the truth. Can we get a straight answer? The President says we don’t alter the truth but Cheney has gone to the Senate and asked for an exemption on —”

MR. McCLELLAN: “Helen, we will continue to work with the Congress on the issue that you brought up. The way you characterize it, that we’re opposing the truth, is just flat-out false, because there are laws that are on the books that prohibit lying to the American people and Congress. And we adhere to those laws. And if we haven’t adhered to them, we’ll work with congress to redefine truth. If the truth thinks the President is going to let it get in the way of our job, then the truth is simply mistaken.”

Posted by James at November 17, 2005 10:38 AM
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"Facts in Iraq have an anti-Bush agenda." - Stephen Colbert

Posted by: The Daily Show at November 17, 2005 12:59 PM

Cool - the Daily Show is posting to my weblog.

Posted by: James at November 17, 2005 1:02 PM

Damn, the IP address says it's Julie.

There go my dreams of working as a writer on the Daily Show.

Posted by: James at November 17, 2005 1:05 PM

Yeah. They crushed my spirit once, too. I sent them a bit and they said "No unsolicited submissions. If you want to write for us, get an agent." It's a conspiracy, I tell you.

Posted by: briwei at November 17, 2005 1:20 PM

Drat! You saw through my elaborate ruse.

Posted by: Julie at November 17, 2005 1:22 PM

Drat? When I worked for an educational software publisher, a parent wrote us an angry letter saying we had taught her child to swear.

Yep, it's true. One of our CDs featuring a monkey employed the word "drat."


Wait until the kid says the "F" word (or the polysyllabic "M" word).

Posted by: Patti M. at November 18, 2005 10:35 AM

How about "fiddlesticks"?

Posted by: Julie at November 18, 2005 11:21 AM

James, that was a riot. Thanks for making me laugh.

Posted by: Chuck S. at November 18, 2005 12:55 PM

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