In which James talks about upcoming/current movies, most of which will he will probably not see in the theater.
OK, I get it. This is a long film. But if I don’t see it in the theater, is there going to be any point to seeing it on DVD? Probably not.
I have to give Uwe Boll this: he certainly knows how to get people excited about how godawful his movies are. By comparison, the non-Uwe Boll films “Cheaper By The Dozen” got a “7%” on RottenTomatoes.com. “Yours, Mine and Ours” got a 6%. Sadly, “Bloodrayne” is in the same class, at 6%. It would have been more dramatic if I’d been able to say it was at 5%, but it looks like some reviewer out there is an avid Maxim reader. A movie so bad, I may not even rent it. Unless Chuck sees it and tells me it’s at least worth a laugh.
As we know, Chuck is an avid Uwe Boll fan. OK, that’s an exaggeration. OK, it’s a complete fabrication. He thinks Boll is a wanker.
True Fact! There is a sex scene in Bloodrayne. The movie is so bad that thoughtful people on the ‘net have posted the scene to discourage you from feeling you actually have to see the film. I have to agree with the sentiment. Please, don’t encourage Mr. Boll.
I can dig Dark Phoenix. Are there going to be Sentinals? I can’t tell. In any case, they make a halfway decent trailer. But I just haven’t loved the X-Men films. I’m goofy enough to keep going, though. So. They’ll get my money.
The Ant Bully
Trailer. It’s about ants who shrink an ant-killing kid down to their size to teach him a lesson. Kids film. If it gets even a marginal showing on the tomatometer, I’ll probably end up taking the kids. Haven’t heard much about this one, though.
V for Vendetta
Trailer. I’ve got the comics around here someplace. Only vaguely remember what it was about and the trailer only gives an inkling. Something about man against the government. A vigilante fighting against oppression. A movie with a terrorist as the protagonist? Edgy. Natalie Portman, Hugo Weaving… good cast. I guess we’ll see when March rolls around.
Trailer. Dammit - they’re going to keep trying to make these movies until they get it right!
Milla Jovovich is a super-duper powered person infected with a virus that is sweeping the nation, turning humans into a race of uber-vampires.
No, really - you’ve never seen this film before. The trailer is full of sound and fury. But, come on people. How many super-powered vampire franchises do we need?
Trailer. Speaking of which. I’ve mentioned this one before. More vampire stuff. Well, we’ll see.
Trailer. Hey, now this at least sounds creepy! Teenagers find a creepy website, one of their number commits suicide and then they start getting emails from beyond the grave! It;s got Kristen Bell from that “Veronica Mars” show and Boone from “Lost.”
It’s a remake of a Japanese movie called Kairu. The Japanese version was written and directed by Kiyoshi Kurosawa. Wait, that sounds familiar. [Google…] Oh, no! Kiyoshi Kurosawa directed Kyua. Otherwise known as Cure. That’s the Japanese film that forever has ruined my film-choosing reputation with certain of my friends. It’s done irreperable damage to my cred. I subjected Mike and Julie to it once, and I’m just lucky they seem to have forgiven me.
But I have a feeling they will never trust me again when they hear me say “let’s watch this Japanese movie together.”
Cure was so damn boring, we were rooting for the killer. When it wasn’t boring it was annoying. I don’t know what madness prevented me from switching off the TV and suggestign we drag out a board game.
Sorry, Pulse, I am wary. If I see this one, it will definitely be alone.
Trailer. Alyson Hannigan stars in a parody of chick flicks and other recent films. The trailer is crude and goofy. These films are ripe for parody, so there could be plenty of yuks. Trailer takes aim at J.Lo, Napoleon Dynamite, Michael Jackson, and Will Smith’s Hitch.
Trailer. A disturbing psychological thriller about a family which begins to receive odd parcels. First, it is a videotape of their house… filmed for two hours from across the street. Next, it is strange, vaguely disturbing drawings. These intrusions begin to have an effect on their lives. Where does it lead? I don’t know — the trailer doesn’t reveal much.
This is a French language film by Michael Haneke starring Daniel Aueuil and Juliette Binoche. It’s easily the most intriguing (to me) films I’ve listed here. Is there any chance I’ll see it in the theatre? I probably ought to add it to the almighty Netflix queue.
What films are you folks anticipating? Any of these?
Posted by James at January 16, 2006 8:45 PM