February 7, 2006

But I wanted to learn to bake

If you read this SouthCoast Learning Network class title a little too fast, you’d wonder why the redundancy.

Pasties & Pastries [240023]
A delicious sequel to our smash-hit It’s Burlesque! Explore the secret of those famous old-fashioned fashions that add sparkle and mystery to two of your most important assets. Pasties are an essential component of concealment for public performance, and wearing them at home will drive your honey wild. Make two pairs of pasties to take home and enjoy as you will—one quick and easy, the other long-lasting and extra glamorous. Receive expert instruction on how to apply them and then give them a twirl! Lady Miss Iris will show you how. And as a special treat, indulge your sweet tooth with delicious pastries from an upscale Providence bakery.

Sara stumbled upon this while looking for a… gee, actually I have no idea what she was looking for.

I had no idea that pasties were so essential. Call me old-fashioned, but I just don’t think these two subjects should be mixed.

Posted by James at February 7, 2006 6:15 PM
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They ARE essential in municipalities that require them as minimum clothing for "public performance," although such pasties are usually flesh-colored, non-sparkly, and non-twirlable. Obviously not what they are making for this class.

It cracks me up that she calls herself "Lady Miss Iris." Most women would settle for Lady OR Miss.

Posted by: Julie at February 7, 2006 7:25 PM

(As for how I know so much about pasties, they were part of the debate over a strip club raid that happened while I was living in FL. There was some disagreement as to whether the performers had been wearing them at the time of the raid. After seeing these pasties on the news, I could understand why it was a tough call, but still couldn't understand why I should give a crap.)

Posted by: Julie at February 7, 2006 7:29 PM

I wasn't going to ask.

And when one calls oneself "Lady Miss Iris," exactly the same thought popped into my head: Most women would settle for "Lady" or "Miss."

Lady Miss Iris is an alter ego. The alter-alter ego is named Amy. So, my initial suspicion was probably inaccurate.

More power to Amy. I'm willing to bet this is not a boring class. But I like to keep my baked goods and my burlesque separate. To each his own. Her own. Whatever.

Posted by: James at February 7, 2006 8:23 PM

I have a friend who used to write those blurbs for SouthCoast Learning when it was a local cottage non-profit. She's since moved away, and they've gone corporate or whatever. I gotta send her this. Good eye, Sara! Thanks, James! (And you don't want to hear about my experience of pasties either. Damn near lost an eye.)

Posted by: ThirdMate at February 8, 2006 7:06 AM

My favorite Minnesota Scandinavian just informed me that "pasties" (short "a") are also yummy meatpies made famous as convenient lunches for miners. In Minnesota, the Lutheran and Catholic church ladies compete in bake-offs to decide whose pasties are better.

Posted by: ThirdMate at February 8, 2006 7:23 AM

Yes - I understand that they are a particular delicacy in the Upper Peninsula. This we learned yesterday thanks to a Google search.

However, the site I read did not make a point of the pronunciation, so thank you for clarifying that before I made a fool of myself in casual conversation.

Posted by: James at February 8, 2006 8:18 AM

I also didn't know it was pronounced differently. I've evidently been ordering the wrong thing at the British Beer Company for years. (Their pasties are good, but their Shepherd's Pie is even better.)

Posted by: Julie at February 8, 2006 9:09 AM

Hmm, perhaps that's why they now call them Pasty Pies. http://www.britishbeer.com/menufull.pdf (see p. 2)

Posted by: Julie at February 8, 2006 11:39 AM

Yeah. Mixing them would result in pastry pasties, and those would chafe.

Posted by: briwei at February 9, 2006 12:55 AM

Well, they say there's no such thing as bad publicity. I found your blog looking for some performance press I may have missed last week...

Glad you got a kick out of it :-) As for your being old fashioned, I think there's hardly anything more old fashioned than taking a snack break while working on a craft project. Perhaps your more neo-conservative? ;-) kidding, sorry. Also, the gals need to kill some time while their glue dries, or someone WILL lose an eye when twirling starts.

All the best, and I hope your ladyfriend has a fabulous time in whatever class she chooses.

Posted by: Amy at February 17, 2006 7:09 AM

Neo-conservative! Guess I almost deserved that one. ;) I can't picture Dick Cheney in pasties. Wait, let me rephrase that: I won't picture Dick Cheney in pasties. Gahhhhh! Too late!

Good luck with the class, and let's hope that the glue dries -- or that everyone is wearing OSHA-approved eyewear.

Does OSHA approve pasties/glue combinations?

Posted by: James at February 17, 2006 8:30 AM

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