|
The "American" People United States of America 1 Observatory Circle Washington, DC
August, 2000
Dear Mr. Gore, Thank you for volunteering to clean our bathroom. We understand that the group you represent has chosen you to step forward for the job. We have a somewhat lengthy process in which we will be evaluating you against one other candidate. It hasn't gone unnoticed that you are currently employed with the man who has kept the bathroom reasonably clean. Thanks for your service! We'll notify you of our decision sometime in early November. Sincerely, Citizens of the United States of America |
|
The "American" People United States of America 1 Observatory Circle Washington, DC
Early November, 2000
Dear Mr. Gore, Good news! The majority of us have decided to accept your volunteer offer to clean our bathroom! You will be contacted soon with the formal paperwork to complete this process. Sincerely, Citizens of the United States of America |
|
The "American" People United States of America 1 Observatory Circle Washington, DC
Late November, 2000
Dear Mr. Gore, First, we'd like to thank you again for generously volunteering to clean our bathroom. As you are probably aware, our approval process is a somewhat complicated one, with a storied history and a rich tradition. While it's true that you were approved by the majority for this position (as the last letter stated), there were some unusual circumstances in the decision-making process. In the end, we decided to go another direction with this position. Sorry for the confusion. Also, we are going to need you to move your stuff out of your Naval Observatory office. Thanks in advance for your cooperation and understanding, and we appreciate your role in having kept the bathroom clean up to this point. Good luck in your future endeavors! Sincerely, Citizens of the United States of America |
|
The "American" People United States of America Nashville, TN
June, 2006
Dear Mr. Gore, Hey there! It's been a while. Just thought we would touch base after not hearing from you for six years or so. How have things been going? We hear you have a new movie out. It had the highest per-location average box office for its first two weeks. Congratulations! Glad to see you've kept busy. Anyhow, some of us were kinda wondering whether that offer you made before ... you know, when you volunteered to clean the bathroom ... whether that offer was still open. Is it? You don't seem like the kind of guy to let that funky business from six years ago get in the way of an opportunity to clean our bathroom. In the interest of being straight, I have to level with you. And, honestly, some of us didn't want to say this but we figured that you might have caught wind of it on the news anyway. The bathroom isn't exactly in the same shape you left it, I am very sorry to say. The people we put in charge of cleaning it let a monkey in there and he's been flinging poo for pretty much the entire six years. Right away it started to smell bad, but about a year ago the stench became overwhelming. Nobody will go near it now. You can see why some people didn't want me to mention that, but I felt we needed to level with you. In any case, some of us are really hoping you are still interested. It's going to take us about two years to get the monkey out of there, but what's a little more poo in the bathroom? It's already pretty caked on. You'll have to go through the same approval process as before, but that's old hat for you, right? We're sure it will be painless this time. Well, reasonably sure. But don't quote us on that. Sincerely, Citizens of the United States of America (P.S. RSVP soon!) |
Nice. Did you create that?
I'm sure a lot of people finish watching An Inconvenient Truth, as I did, and think that guy should run for office. Can you imagine the current POTUS making a video presentation of any kind after he steps down? His intellect would be suitable for a Miller beer commercial or a brief infomercial about the benefits of shooting racoons from the back porch.
Posted by: Mike at June 8, 2006 1:26 PMYes, this is an original piece.
I don't know what Bush's record is with varmint-hunting. Hoefully it's better than Dick Cheney's.
Posted by: James at June 8, 2006 1:33 PMYou shot my dog in the goddamned face!
Posted by: Patti M. at June 8, 2006 1:42 PMGreat piece, James!
Posted by: Susan Barr at June 8, 2006 8:46 PMThanks! It came to me while watching Gore's interview with George Stephanopoulos last weekend.
Little known (and even less interesting) fact: George Stephanopoulos and I were born in the same city.
Posted by: James at June 8, 2006 8:55 PMFunny stuff, James! What does it say that my favorite part is the poo flinging?
Posted by: briwei at June 11, 2006 6:18 PMThat was my favorite part, too. So we're in the same club.
Posted by: James at June 11, 2006 6:25 PMLOL! It's not so much the scatological humor as it is the visualization.
Posted by: briwei at June 12, 2006 12:07 PMI like it. It made me both happy and sad. It boggles my mind that there is still a substantial chunk of the country singing Bush's praises.
Thanks for brightening my day!
Posted by: Chuck S. at June 14, 2006 2:40 PM