November 7, 2006

Guinness Extra Stout Doesn't Exist?

I am outraged! Read this:

I had a long day at work yesterday. When I called the ladyfriend on the way home from the office, she offered to buy me a 6-pack on the way back from class.

[…] After looking for a few minutes, my girlfriend couldn’t find any Extra Stout. She decided to ask the guy behind the counter whether they had any in the back.

“No, we don’t have any in the back, because it doesn’t exist,” he told her. His tone was far more condescending than helpful. […]

“See?! You were wrong,” he said. She was 99% certain that she was, in fact, right, but the combination of the beer’s absence in his order book and his increasingly loud and antagonistic tone had her on the verge of tears.

I’m pretty sure that, in Ireland, you can be hung by the neck until dead for claiming that Guinness Extra Stout doesn’t exist. And if that’s not true, it probably should be. Scroll down in the comments to find out that this liquor store in in BROOKLINE! Sweet Abe Vigoda! What is the world coming to when a liquor store in Massachusetts is doing this to people? I was guessing maybe we were talking about some place like Nebraska. You know, one of those states where you’re not sure they even have beer. Although I can’t act high and mighty when this sort of activity is happening in a Bay State establishment.

I looked up the law in MA, and the punishment here is a little bit unclear. The last time it happened, the guy just disappeared. So there is no precedent.

Help me figure out what the punishment should be. It should be creative, and please make it fit the crime.

Posted by James at November 7, 2006 5:24 PM
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Liquor store clerk should be burned at the stake, and above that stake, would be some barley and possibly hops, imported from the Guinness folks. Once flavored with this kind clerk, sent back to Ireland for immediate production of "Dummy Stout"; And served to the customer (who has great taste), free of charge.

I'd like to try some too.

Posted by: Derek at November 7, 2006 6:10 PM

Blasphemy. The clerk should star in a live-action version of a Guinness "Brilliant" television commercial, preferably the one with suntan lotion. So should the manager, if the followup conversation is accurate.

Liquor stores are a dime a dozen so it won't be difficult for BU students to boycott that one, especially since it lies in the no-man's land between the interesting part of Beacon Street and Kenmore Square.

Speaking of blasphemy, I like Guinness but Murphy's is far better. :-)

Posted by: Mike at November 7, 2006 6:13 PM

Put him on the T. On St. Paddy's Day. Tied to a seat. Wearing a sign around his neck that says "Guiness Extra Stout Does Not Exist." And he rides it all day long. :D

Posted by: pippa at November 7, 2006 8:42 PM

Clever suggestions so far!

Posted by: James at November 7, 2006 8:51 PM

Sweet Abe Vigoda--love that!

Perhaps you could beat this clerk about the head and neck with a bottle of said bev.

Posted by: Patti M. at November 8, 2006 8:28 AM

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