May 28, 2008

Seeing Terrorism In Every Donut

INFIDELS!

This is, truly, the stupidest thing I've heard in a long time. And I occasionally read articles on the conservative "blog networks", so I hear A LOT of really stupid things.

But this is real evidence that conservative bloggerdom sees "terrorism" wherever they look.

I want you to take a good long look at the image in this post image and tell me what you see.

If you said "Rachael Ray hawking coffee" then you are clearly not a patriot, sir.

If you said "Dunkin Donuts promoting terrorism" then you may want to look for webhosting because you can leverage your slight mental disability and psychological imbalance into a spot in the glitterati of online modern conservative blabbermouths. You've got what it takes to be a leader of the Republican electronic Webbiganda 2.0 revolution.

You see, to these individuals, (namely Michelle Malkin and the always-worth-a-sad-chuckle Little Green Footballs) if you wear a scarf with a pattern, it must be a symbol of Palestinian solidarity! You're "mainstreaming terrorism." I respectfully suggest that Michelle Malkin and crew are attempting to mainstream stupidity. And I suggest they keep it within their own community where it has the best chance of thriving.

The failure of the ideas they've been screaming at us for so long has completely unhinged these shrill Alternative-History Media bozos.

These folks breathlessly huff that her scarf resembles the kaffiyeh worn by Arafat. The problem is, it really doesn't have the characteristic pattern that Arafat's scarf has. Not if you care to pay attention to that sort of thing. Not that you can really tell from the stupid ad in the first place. It appears to have a paisley pattern. And she's not wearing it on her head.

Let's, for the sake of argument, imagine that Rachael Ray were trying to promote terrorism and were really wearing a copy of Arafat's kaffiyeh. Do you think people seeing this image would get the message that people should fight for Palestinians? Inane. Even if it were true that is the stupidest plan hatched since "wide stance" was used as an excuse for trolling for airport bathroom sex. And it would take someone equally stupid to detect it.

It looks to me like Rachael Ray is wearing a kind of neat paisley black-and-white scarf. LGF and Malkinites. You really expect me to believe that Dunkin Donuts and Rachael Ray have a terrorist agenda? Really? You think that they're trying to sell us revolution with our Donuts? Really? The company that gives us free iced coffee the day after a Red Sox win -- you think they want to seed our minds with terrorist thoughts? Really. Really? (Apologies to Amy Poehler, Seth Meyers and Keith Olbermann)

That grumbling sound you just heard was the last bit of your credibility as Americans passing through Dick Cheney's colon.

Dunkin Donuts, under pressure from idiots, took down the ad. Because clearly, it's terroristeriffic!

Hat tip projo and Feministe.

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Posted by James at May 28, 2008 8:17 PM
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Comments

Whaddabunchafugginmorons!

I hate neocons. I f%^king hate them.

We've lost.

And it's their fault.

Posted by: Bull at May 28, 2008 9:36 PM

Oooh! Simultaneous crazy-posts.

This is honestly the most fascinating and crazy thing I've ever heard of. It's almost like the neocons want to self-destruct.

ZOMGFUCKINSCARF! Run!

I'm just baffled by this becoming fuel for anti-Muslim slander... I just... I just don't get it.

Posted by: Derek at May 28, 2008 10:08 PM

IDEA:

Start an online petition like every other "left-wing nutjob", except this is to have DD bring back the ad.

I'm going to guess that there are way more DD customers who are ashamed of this and would want to see the ad back, than lunatics who want the ad pulled and don't go to DD anyway.

I can't believe a scarf is making me type this.

Posted by: Derek at May 28, 2008 10:29 PM

Derek, the way I figure it, Malkin, Little Green Balls and crew owe us all free donuts.

Posted by: James at May 28, 2008 10:43 PM

That's effed up yo.

Why does Rachel Ray's scarf hate America?

Posted by: Chuck S. at May 29, 2008 1:00 AM

IT'S A FRINGY SCARF

EVERYBODY PANIC!

Posted by: pam at May 29, 2008 1:14 AM

I hate these people for making me feel sorry for Rachel Ray.

Posted by: Julie at May 29, 2008 10:00 AM

I had a feeling that's what the hubbub was.

Clearly, the pattern of the scarf is akin to the design found on bandanas a la 1974.

The pattern of the kaffiyeh is more like what I always thought of as chain link fence.

Regardless, since when is poor sartorial choice grounds for charges of terrorism? Yes, the scarf is ugly and has a whif of the '70s, but solidarity with terrorists? WHAT?

Oh, and WHO CARES?

Posted by: Patti M. at May 29, 2008 10:39 AM

Welcome back, Senator McCarthy. We've missed you.

Posted by: briwei at May 29, 2008 12:19 PM

I can't tell you how much this burned me, even as I was going to bed last night. I mean, nothing about how bad it is that the fast food industry uses beautiful and popular people to influence the poor, dumb (oh yeah, and morbidly obese!) commoners the shovel the worst possible things down their throats, in the name of the American Dream of unlimited consumption for all, creating a health (and health care!) crisis...nope, that's not bad.

But a fucking scarf is...

Ugh...why am I so pissed off about this?

Posted by: Bull at May 29, 2008 2:35 PM

Y'know, now that I look at that picture, I can see it...RR's olive skin and dark hair and that scarf make her look something like a middle-eastern woman calling for a fatwah against proper nutrition.

Posted by: Bull at May 29, 2008 2:49 PM

I can only tell you why I'm pissed off - because Dunkin Donuts agreed to do the bidding of the most ignorant, embarrassing, tiny, obnoxious segment of society without even pretending to care whether it was the right thing to do. (And I would bet you anything that they'd survive a wingnut boycott.)

Their next offering should be a chicken-filled donut.

Posted by: Julie at May 29, 2008 2:57 PM

Probably for the same reason I am. I just can't believe anyone takes these people seriously, yet Michelle Malkin is still a Fox news contributor, and someone is clearly paying her bills.

And this Little Green Footballs blog, it's just pathetic. I encourage you not to visit unless you want a trip down the rabbit hole of bile.

Posted by: James at May 29, 2008 3:01 PM

"fatwah against proper nutrition"

Laughed my ass off.

Posted by: James at May 29, 2008 3:03 PM

I take a break from dealing with stupid people at work, only to read about this. Wow... just wow. I'm dumbfounded.

Posted by: HelloKit at May 29, 2008 3:26 PM

"Fatwah against proper nutrition"--there's a T-shirt in there somewhere...

Posted by: Patti M. at May 29, 2008 3:33 PM

Julie -

A major corporation act with integrity? I'm sorry, you would actually expect that? I guess if I had higher expectations I'd be pissed off.

I'm more pissed off because a bunch of smarmy ultra-right wing cheerleaders for fear and hate have convinced us to live on our knees in fear, see a terrorist behind every scarf, and subject ourselves to cavity searches from mouth-breathers every time we want to fly...and that everything is still a-ok in America.

Posted by: Bull at May 29, 2008 8:46 PM

Oh, hell no, Bull, I don't expect them to have integrity, but I do expect them to pretend to think about it. If they're not even willing to fake it, then they've turned a corner I didn't think anyone would dare turn.

Again, I don't think these people would get anywhere with their dumb boycott, and in fact I bet it would backfire, with RR and DD sympathizers more than willing to pick up the slack. But NOOOO. So what happened? DD too lazy to put in the effort? Or are they really that easily intimidated?

I hope I wake up tomorrow and find out that the whole thing was a practical joke of some kind.

Posted by: Julie at May 30, 2008 12:07 AM

Update: Listening to NPR's "All Things Considered" last night brought great joy.

Chef Rachael Ray's 'Keffiyah' Attracts Critics
by Jamie Tarabay

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=90958146

The keffiyah was designed to keep the sand out of one's mouth during the sand storms in the desert. I'll bet the wingnuts have no idea that coalition troops--that is to say, American, British, and Australian troops--are wearing keffiyahs right now for just this purpose.

So if all this outrage is to "support the troops," they should all feel extremely stupid right now.

Oh, and by the way, James, I wonder if someone at the Boston Globe reads your blog (see poppy seed bagel reference below):

Short fuse | Globe Editorial
Blogosphere: Dunkin' runs from scarves
May 30, 2008

RACHAEL RAY better not be whipping up any falafel dishes on her TV show, now that she's been fingered as a sympathizer for Islamic jihad. What, you didn't know the perky Food Network superstar was aiding the terrorists? Then you must not be a regular reader of Michelle Malkin or Little Green Footballs, conservative blogs that outed Ray this week for wearing a keffiyeh in an ad for Dunkin' Donuts. The keffiyeh is a traditional scarf worn by Yasser Arafat and other Arab men - or, to Malkin, an example of "hate couture." Never mind that Ray's fringed scarf does not appear to be an actual keffiyeh. Amid the furor, the Canton-based Dunkin' Donuts pulled the ad, "given the possibility of misperception." What's next, banning Dunkin's poppy seed bagels because they're symbols of Afghan narcoterrorists?

Posted by: Patti M. at May 30, 2008 10:46 AM

Ha! They swiped my poppy seed line!

Posted by: James at May 30, 2008 12:41 PM

Dateline February 21, 2008:

http://gawker.com/5003288/mccain-daughter-dons-islamic-terror-scarf

"An email tipster discovered John McCain's family blog has been infiltrated at the deepest level by enemies of America. Meghan McCain, daughter of the Republican presidential candidate, is really into the keffiyeh, scarf of Middle Eastern Precious Freedoms Haters, and even wears it on the so-called Straight Talk Express, and also in the presence of her apparent sympathizer mom Cindy McCain! Republicans of course will murder McCain for this horrifying development, because they are fashion whores who know the keffiyeh is so over."

Posted by: Patti M. at May 30, 2008 12:48 PM

as much as i loathe and detest Miz Ray... i'd sign a petition to bring that ad back. because...oh, well, because of what everyone else has said. :)

say, what would it take to have a bunch of shirts printed with that image and 'fatwah against nutrition' as the caption? i'd be in for one. ;)

Posted by: beth at May 30, 2008 5:22 PM

I love the idea of shirts and/or stickers with "fatwah against nutrition" (or lack thereof, really), but I'm pretty sure we'd all be in prison.

And I'm sure it's only going to get worse.

Posted by: Derek at May 30, 2008 9:56 PM

I need a scarf and a donut and a camera.

Posted by: James at May 30, 2008 10:30 PM

Derek, I did a quick search on Cafepress.com for items with "fatwah" and there are a few, so I think creating a T-shirt with "fatwah against proper nutrition" with a doughnut or maybe some gravy fries would be just fine.

Hey, you're talking to someone who bought the following T-shirt for the last election cycle: Black shirt, orange lettering and design, "Wax Bush" in big letters and "Vote 2004" below.

Posted by: Patti M. at May 31, 2008 3:48 PM

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