Aces Full of Links

The Perfect Vehicle

In my town, Dunkin' Donuts coffee cups are ubiquitous. Especially in the summer, which must be their busy season, Dunkin' Donuts blankets Somerset (and Rhode Island... and Massachusetts... and beyond) with iced coffee cups.

Sometimes it's just the plastic cup. Sometimes they slide the plastic cup within a big-ole polystyrene hot cup for extra insulation. When your beverage is better insulated than your house, you know that people are serious about their refreshment.

I used to love Dunkin' Donuts iced coffee. I've since learned that it is largely a vehicle for fat and sugar. That'll probably come as no surprise to the nutrition-conscious, although I'm sure some people are in denial about the number of calories in their beverages. But what I mean to say is that I enjoyed cream-and-extra-sugar iced coffee and the best thing about it was the coffee-flavored sugar at the bottom of the drink. So I wasn't enjoying the coffee per se.

Their lattes are better. I learned I really liked lattes when @fourlittlebees recommended the Bialetti and our household was forever transformed. Although, we'd already mastered the cold brew, so either way you approach it we have access to a supply of delicious cold concentrated espresso ready to be turned into an iced latte. And it turns out that if the espresso is decent enough, a skim-milk and Splenda latte is really, really good. So I can keep that svelt appearance and self-caffeinate.

I am unintentionally green when it comes to coffee cups. I recycle them. I like to make my own lattes; mine are both better and cheaper than the purchased variety. The only thing they have which I don't is that convenient plastic cup. So, for the price of a Dunkin' Donuts latte once in a while, I keep myself supplied with reusable plastic cups. Rinse and reuse. Dunkin' Donuts gets free advertising, although getting their product seen with me is of questionable value.

It struck me that the ubiquity of Dunkin' Donuts containers makes them the perfect smuggling vehicle. Trying to hide diamonds in your car? Put them in that convenient space between the plastic cup and the polystyrene one. Voila! That small pocket of air has now made itself useful. Nobody will question what's in your container.

The fact is, the ubiquity of Dunkin' Donuts has made us coffee-blind. The cups fade into the background the same way that an odor will become unnoticeable after a long exposure. This is bad news for anyone trying to keep an alcoholic on the wagon. Iced Irish Coffee is indistinguishable from the non-alcoholic beverage. I have never seen anyone questioned about the contents of their coffee.

Ever been stopped brining a soda into a movie theater? You wouldn't if it were inside a Dunkin' Donuts cup (behind the polystyrene cloaking device).

It's a little-known fact that the ban on liquids during air travel was not created in response to a terrorist plot to bring explosive gels onto planes. The plot in question was to smuggle the terrorists themselves onto planes dressed as giant cups of Dunkin' Donuts coffee. The current rules force them to inspect everything that might contain liquids, which the NTSB found was just enough to get their agents to notice that the giant walking polystyrene coffee might be a terrorist.

If you don't believe me, you can verify this by dressing up as a cup of coffee for your next flight. I guarantee you will be cavity-searched.

Additional Notes

• Remembering the great Coffee Prank of 2006. It's #3 on Google when you search "coffee prank."
• Yes, Starbucks makes a better iced latte than Dunkin' Donuts. But mine are still better and much cheaper. Props to Starbucks, though, because the people in the Seekonk store are so nice. I rarely go in there, but the last time I did my order took longer than they expected because they were short-handed. They gave me a coupon for a free latte. I wasn't in a hurry, nor was I disgruntled. So, they're clearly concerned about customer satisfaction.
• Scarfin' Donuts didn't get a lot of signups to its "social network" on Ning, despite my attempts to promote it, but we're still going to collect pictures. The data on the "event" was arbitrary and unnecessary; there is no scheduled event. We're going to take pictures when we can. So I pushed back the date. Ignore it. I'm going to try to get Brian in a scarf when he visits in July anyhow.
• I bought some whole-bean espresso at Polcari's in Botson. The price was nice and the coffee was superb. They have an amazing assortment of spices, too. Anyone know where to get the best whole bean espresso in the SouthCoast and/or the Providence area?

Technorati : coffee, dunkin' donuts, humor, polcari's, providence

Posted by James at June 24, 2008 11:53 AM
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