October 1, 2008

That Song Must Die 5

Today we have songs about notably clad people. Or unclad people.

First, you are subjected to the abomination that is Sisqo's "Thong Song." The sing-songy title alone may be enough to jettison this tune. And I can't say I'm impressed with his use of "q" without a "u" in his name. Is that supposed to make you an arteest?

But next you're faced with the gimmicky "The Streak" which is arguably worse. Is it country music? This song is an insult to the elegant and classic instrument we call the "slide whistle."

But which is worse? Give a listen, won't you? It's your job to mercilessly trash one of these songs as you declare... THAT SONG MUST DIE!

Posted by James at October 1, 2008 8:25 AM
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I don't mind Thong Song and I like the cello loop that vaguely resembles Eleanor Rigby.

The Streak must die because good novelty songs don't need laugh tracks or audience laughter.

Posted by: Mike at October 1, 2008 9:32 AM

Hey, The Streak was performed live. Of course there's a laugh track; it's the audience. :-) Also, The Streak was commenting on a societal phenomenon (such as it was) at the time. So I think Thong Song must die, and The Streak should be archived at the Smithsonian and never played again.

Posted by: pam at October 1, 2008 9:45 AM

Streaking still happens, amazingly enough.

The Streak is funny, maybe a bit dated, but it doesn't make me angry or feel like I've been slimed like the Thong Song. Ick.

"Cuz she had dumps like a truck."


Yet another song with simulated sex sounds. Blech. What is the appeal? Is the main audience of this awful type of "music" prepubescent boys who fantasize about sex? Wait--I don't care.

I vote to kill the Thong Song and I'd be glad to do it personally.

Posted by: Patti M. at October 1, 2008 9:50 AM

Truck truck truck what what what butt butt butt

Posted by: James at October 1, 2008 10:01 AM

He's a regular Rhodes Scholar, writing those lyrics.

Posted by: Patti M. at October 1, 2008 10:36 AM

Thanks for nothing, lovely lady lump ladies, for letting it all hang out so hormonal idiots could write unsubtle songs like The Thong Song. I do like the tune and the strings, but the song itself is icky.

I have a fondness for whatever genre The Streak is from. Funny story songs from the 70's? What the heck would the K-tel collection be called?? ;-) This is not to say that I like it, I agree with Pam that it should be archived at the Smithsonian and never played again. Bravo, Pam. But it need not die.

OTOH, the Thong Song should probably be archived as well. Those who do not study history are doomed to repeat it, or something like that. We need to keep that sort of thing alive so that it never happens again. Once we move beyond the fact that it's still happening now.

Get some self respect, Lady Lump Ladies!


But if one has to die, I'm afraid I'll vote for Lady Lump Ladies for personal reasons, and the younger generations be damned, your history lesson is dead and buried.

Posted by: Maggie at October 1, 2008 10:41 AM

The Streak reminds me of my youth, when K-Tel (or some other company) put out a compilation of silly songs with this on it. We never bought it, but the commercials were funny on TV.

Thong Song, on the other hand:

1. is typical of the over-produced, short on creativity, emotionless, whiny, festering pile of Ebola-riddled shit that is hip hop. (James, I believe you said "mercilessly trash" so I hope this gave the amateurs ;) something to emulate.)
2. Does nothing to make me really believe that he is all a-flutter about a thong, like it's the "be all and end all". It's hasty, patched together stream of words talking about some woman's thong. So what. At least 2-Live Crew were honest and rapped about what they really wanted to get to - what was underneath - with at least some conviction.
3. There are plenty of songs that speak to physical temptation through a witty combination of innuendo and melody. This ain't one of them.



Kill it.

Posted by: Bull at October 1, 2008 10:51 AM

When my eyebrows are singed, I know I've made a good choice in songs.

The scent of burning follicles fills the air...

Posted by: James at October 1, 2008 11:04 AM

When I was in 2nd grade, my parents bought me a record player. My first album was Paper Lace, my first 45's were The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald and The Streak. I am therefore not impartial :)

I sort of like the Thong Song's catchiness, but yeah, it's crap and sex sounds and bad grammar. The Streak is funny without being offensive.


Posted by: mjfrombuffalo at October 1, 2008 12:14 PM

I can't possibly top Bull's analysis for vitriol or imagination, but I share his sentiment. I mean, cello or no, Sisqo must go. If you really like the cello, we can sample it and make a completely different song out of it.

Let's look at the lyrical "innovation":
She had dumps like a truck truck truck
Thighs like what what what
Baby move your butt butt butt
I think I'll sing it again

Those lyrics were so potent that he needs to repeat them each time in the chorus?!?

Even if you go beyond the lameness of the moaning and grunting and "the finer things", this song reeks of time padding. It seems like he was thinking "We got a beat. And the song needs to be at least three minutes. Dang. I only got one minute of lyrics. What am I going to do?" Fortunately, his "crew" was there for him. "Dawg. You just gotta dizzubble the chorus and the lizzoop it on the refrizzle."

The streak is not the best novelty song ever written, but it shows a little more imagination and creativity. And it is still a classic element of the genre.

Posted by: briwei at October 1, 2008 2:12 PM

LOL, Bull and Briwei.

That song must die for president!

It brings out the best in everybody!!

Ebola-rizuddle on, boyz!!

Posted by: Maggie at October 1, 2008 3:31 PM

As opposed to Ebola Risotto, which isn't really any better.

Posted by: briwei at October 1, 2008 4:23 PM

It's very sad that I can't kill them both.

I'll reluctantly spare The Streak because it sounds as though the audience was enjoying it. I have no evidence that anyone has enjoyed the Thong Song. Also, I hate hip-hop.

I think the whistle in The Streak is not a slide whistle, but a siren whistle. There's a thingy inside that spins, and the rate of spinning controls the pitch. The delay in getting up to full speed creates that not-necessarily-sirenlike sound.

I used to love those. Had no idea they were also instruments of death.

There's a more sophisticated one with a sound sample here.

Posted by: Julie at October 1, 2008 4:37 PM

Oh, you are correct about the whistle. And I've actually owned one of those; I should have known!

Posted by: James at October 1, 2008 5:06 PM

I admit, it took me a while to find out what it was called. I don't know if a siren whistle has any useful application.

I had a slide whistle, too. Briefly. It was clearly not intended for frequent use, and when it broke, Santa Claus refused to replace it.

Posted by: Julie at October 1, 2008 5:44 PM

I think my minority showing here reminds me that I don't pay attention to lyrics in pop songs, only the way they sound. Hence, the lack of vitriol.

Bull wins the thread.

Posted by: Mike at October 1, 2008 7:59 PM

This was fun. I believe there is good rap music. But bad rap music just seems especially bad.

Perhaps you're not meant to hear the lyrics.

Posted by: James at October 1, 2008 8:04 PM

He's mad at the world fo' bein' born
'Cuz he gotta' bad big phat unicorn horn...

peace out, 'aight!

Posted by: Bull at October 1, 2008 9:13 PM

Dumps like a truck? WTF? On obnoxious, valueless, song. I particularly dislike hip hop songs where the "N" word is used, regardless of who's using it. The beat is annoying. Overall the song epitomizes so much of the crap dance music of the last decade.

The Streak still makes me life. Sorry. I'll take a parody song over shallow, over-processed, sex-object music any day.

Posted by: Kitten Herder at October 1, 2008 10:16 PM

My instinct said "Thong Song", because that song is awful, unless you are constantly dumping yo trucks, or something.

But the one thing I hate the most about awful music is ridiculous introductions. And now slide whistle's. There are two people in this world that I approve use of the slide whistle for: Sideshow Bob and Sideshow Mel.

"The Streak" must die!

Posted by: Derek at October 1, 2008 10:27 PM

Check out Will Ferrell's take on "The Thong Song" via Robert Goulet in this video.

He starts his version about one minute into the clip.

Posted by: James at October 2, 2008 12:03 AM

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