Aces Full of Links

Please, can I watch the debate again instead?

I thought this was going to be difficult. I was thinking I never actually hated either of these. I can't hate any surfing song; and though Wannabe is hardly a work of genius, I associate it with a fun time in my life.

Then I started listening, and realized that I had never actually heard it from beginning to end before. I was ready to kill it. But Wannabe was worse. I hadn't noticed before because I usually heard it at parties, bars, or clubs - where it was drowned out by noise.

Conclusion: I tell you what I want, what I really really want... freakin' kill Wannabe because it's more annoying, more cliched, less surfy, and worst of all, it's longer than Surfin' Bird.

But not until you're sure "Never Been to Me" is dead first. I don't want that thing coming back, ever.

Oops - where'd my playlist go?

Never mind - Phew! It came back

Well, this one is more challenging than I thought it would be. But neither of them sinks to the depths of last week's offerings. If I could, I'd vote to spare both of these and kill "Never Been to Me" twice.

Since that is not an option, let's judge this like a Presidential Debate.

Tone
====
Surfin' Bird is irritating and annoying.
Wannabe sounds light and upbeat on the surface.

Winner: Wannabe

Message
=======
No song stays on message like Surfin' Bird. If you don't know what the word is by the end of the song, then you either are not sentient or your brain has exploded from overload. (It's "The Bird" in case you missed it.) Excellent job of staying on message.

Wannabe, on the other hand, is all over the place.

I'll tell you what *I* want, what I really really want. I WANT YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU FRAKKING WANT ALREADY!!!

It is seemingly random in what it has to say. If you wannabe my lover, make it quick. But make it last forever. One of them likes it in the face while another is a real lady. Therefore, you should slam your body down and wind it all around. What?

Winner: Surfin' Bird

So, we have a tie. How do we resolve that? Surfin' Bird is annoying and repetitive. Wannabe is annoying and vapid. It's also 30 seconds longer. In the end, the Spicettes seal their own fat with the Lyric:

"I won't be hasty, I'll give you a try
If you really bug me then I'll say goodbye."

So, Surfin' Bird gets to live longer because it is shorter. It's unapologetic for who it is. The Spices offer us a choice. Kill Wannabe, but only just barely.

Eight seconds in to "Wannabe," I shut it off.

Hands down, it is the Spice Girls's song that must die.

I am not annoyed by "Surfin' Bird." I always pictured Johnny Most singing it, and singing it about Larry Bird.

Brian, I LOVE your methods and your conclusions!

But... Wannabe is not vapid. "Vapid" means "lacking liveliness, interest, or zest." The song is really lively. It may not be very interesting, but it has zest. So it's not vapid. Vacuous, perhaps.

And I'm not being a jerk, honest. I read in a Guardian article that Sarah Palin is "vapid," and I thought, "yeah, great word," and then I looked it up. Sarah Palin is not vapid. She is not dull. Perhaps her intellect is vapid, but I think that's a stretch. It's just the wrong word, and the reason we think it means the same thing as vacuous is because of journalists using it when they mean "vacuous." That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Okay, I've procrastinated long enough.

Dirty secret. I had no idea it was a Spice Girls song or even what it was called, but I love that song because it's in a really funny scene from a movie that M and I used to watch together a lot called Sleepover. The movie's pretty stupid, but the scene makes us both laugh, and, well, you know, you can't buy stuff like that with Visa. :-P

Now Surfin' Bird is annoying from the start and it never changes. I can't stand it. The Spice Girls song has parts I don't like and it's stupid, but the part from the scene in Sleepover redeems it.

The Bird is not only the word, The Bird must die.

Outstanding analysis, Brian. I reach the same conclusion, but for entirely simpler reasons...

I surf, I have a deep attachment to surf music, and this song is one of my faves. Also, way way in the back of later surf/punk music (The Dickies, The Surf Punks, even "Private Idaho" by th eB-52's, though I'm not calling them punk by any stretch) you hear the Trashmen trashing away.

The Spice Girls, on the other hand, are simply Brit-Pop-Sluts who marry over-paid douchebag soccer players.

Kill wannabe. It has contributed nothing to the music I enjoy.

Wups, left something out in my original comment - it was "Surfin' Bird" that I had never heard in its entirety before.

I've heard "Wannabe" from start to finish many times, but it sounds so much better when you're really buzzed and you can only half-hear it.

Maggie,

How embarrassing! I *did* mean vacuous. Dang it. Thanks for setting me on the linguistic straight and narrow. :)

Bull - I tried to leave my Cali surf biases out of it, but those are other excellent points. Not to mention that Josh is very much into surf rock. When you come out to visit, perhaps you can give him a surf lesson. I feel pretty confident that he will take to Uncle Bull and his hobbies quite well.

I love Surfin' Bird! In moderation of course. But how can you not love the Ramones version of it? And how it served as poignant counterpoint in Full Metal Jacket? Revel in its cheese and cultural significance-through-insignificance.

so, yeah, keep the bird ditch that other song whatever it's called.

D'oh! It must be the Ramones version that I never found annoying.

Maybe someday, someone will do a less annoying cover of Wannabe too. But I'm not going to wait.

Rui - I almost brought up the use of Surfin' Bird in Full Metal Jacket myself.

Briwei - Sure, buddy. But a word of warning - getting surfing lessons from me is like getting foreign policy lessons from Sarah Palin. Well, not THAT bad, but there are much better teachers...

I wouldn't mind having either of these songs on my MP3 player...

If I had an MP3 player...

Guess that's what I want what I really really want...

Repetitive is fine if the song is fun and makes you want to dance AFAIC. And the Bird is a great song for playing with your friends on the beach... frisbee, cold sodas, warm summery afternoon... beach barbecue...

Sorry, I'm not killing either of these songs. I'll happily go back and kill Never Been to Me again though.

Chuck, you're just not in the spirit.

Wannabe must die. Like Julie, I associate Surfin Bird with summer surf music, so I actually enjoy it in its proper perspective. And, while there are times that I can tolerate Wannabe, I have a VERY bad memory of that song.

Years ago, we were in Santa Monica for a few days. A local radio station had changed hands and was unsure what format they were going to go with. So, they played that song CEASELESSLY for hours to get people to call in and "Tell me what you want, what you really really want." We were ready to tell them ... REALLY REALLY tell them.

So, given the choice, Wannabe must die.

I finally got to see this Family Guy episode last night. OK - I can see how THAT could be annoying.

But just think how much worse it would have been if he'd done the same thing with Wannabe. Come on.

(I also enjoyed the "Office Space" tribute in that episode.)

See, Julie, that was the first time I ever heard the song. I can't help but hate it.