November 12, 2008

That Song Must Die! 9

You're going to wish you'd visited somebody else's blog. I have no idea whether you're going to find it easy to determine which of these songs must die, but I'm fairly certain that you're going to curse me for asking you to listen to these tracks which take the phrase "gift of hearing" and turn it into a cruel joke.

Today we have "Hollaback Girl" (Gwen Stefani) vs. "Rico Suave" (Gerardo). These songs are so bad that if Sarah Palin had blamed them on Obama, John McCain would have won the election.

But... WHICH SONG MUST DIE??? That's for you to decide.


Posted by James at November 12, 2008 8:48 AM
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Could only get through half of each song. I have to shower. Really. I'm showering.

Posted by: Bull at November 12, 2008 9:47 AM

This wasn't that hard. Both songs are dog awful, but the ridiculous ego of Gerardo combined with his utterly absent skill as a rap artist makes his dreck the obvious choice for death.

"This shit is bananas, bee ay en ay en ay ess."

versus

"There ain't a woman alive that can handle a man like me that's why I juggle two or three..."

Sure Gwen Stefani may be bragging about a bad song, but she's nowhere near Gerardo in terms of unwarranted trash talk.

That said, I wouldn't choose to listen to either of these songs, ever.

So thanks a LOT. ;-)

Posted by: Chuck S. at November 12, 2008 9:55 AM

BTW, I assume you are aware that Gerardo's song was parodied by Weird Al Yankovic back in the day. The parody was called "Taco Grande".

"Well, there's not a taco big enough for a man like me that's why I order two or three..."

http://www.lyricstime.com/weird-al-yankovic-taco-grande-lyrics.html

Posted by: Chuck S. at November 12, 2008 9:59 AM

Both were very annoying, but "Rico Suave" is far less likely to give me a headache even though it's longer. Listening to "Hollaback Girl" is like getting hit on the head repeatedly with sheet metal.

Sorry Gwen, but there is No Doubt in my mind that your song must die.

Posted by: Julie at November 12, 2008 10:07 AM

Okay, I gave them a second listen--I tried the "background noise test". I let the songs play while I was off in the kitchen packing a lunch. Not being able to hear the lyrics allowed me to judge the songs musically. I am now more certain than ever that Rico Suave must die.

Hollaback Girl was actually not that annoying from a distance--the only lyrics I could make out was the bananas line, which is so out of place it's actually amusing.

I still don't want to listen to either of the songs tho...

Posted by: Chuck S. at November 12, 2008 10:13 AM

I liked "Taco Grande" and I never heard the song it was parodying (in full) until now.

I like the idea of a background noise test. Good choice of words, as some people call that "background music."

Posted by: James at November 12, 2008 11:30 AM

Interesting. I've never heard either artist before, although I've probably heard the Weird Al song. :-)

I thought the Gwen Stefani song was really creative. Having been a cheerleader, it conjured up images of cheerleader infighting, although at my school it wasn't physical. (Much.) The "music" sounded a lot like the rhythms that cheerleaders stomp and clap out at a basketball game or indoor pep rally. I couldn't really make out the lyrics, which I'm sure is a blessing. I didn't get very far into the song. But I didn't mind it.

I do get tired of songs about sex. I realize that's what a lot of music is about, but please say something a little bit new or different. (The Police did it great with "Every Breath You Take," "Don't Stand So Close To Me," "Roxanne." Crazy obsessive, teacher/student, prostitute -- it's all more interesting than some guy bragging that he's a stud.) Girl fighting isn't much better, but it's a step away, at least.

The Rico Suave song was just gawdawful, I couldn't listen to it. So Rico Suave, YOU MUST DIE!!

Posted by: Maggie at November 12, 2008 11:31 AM

You have heard Gwen Stefani; she was the lead singer of No Doubt. She did a remake of "It's My Life." And also the duet "You're the Boss" with Brian Setzer. "Don't Speak" was one of her big hits with No Doubt. Here's a playlist of those songs. I'm pretty sure you are not a big fan of any of these songs, bit I like these.

She's got an amazing voice. But I'm not a big fan of a lot of her other work.

Posted by: James at November 12, 2008 12:02 PM

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***** WARNING!!!!****
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- It looks like my playlist link in the above comment autoplays. BE AWARE if you're clicking at work or another quiet environment.

Posted by: James at November 12, 2008 12:05 PM

Gwen, Gwen, Gwen. You are no rap singer. Would you please go back to your previous work as a singer? Kthanksbye.

"Hollaback Girl" is awful. Witness such creative and moving lyrics as "Ooooh ooh, this my shit, this my shit" repeated over and over. Ugh. I cringe when I hear white folks trying to be "all ghetto 'n' shit."

Gerardo's "Rico Suave" just makes me laugh. It's just audio cheese.

Over the years, I've referred to someone who thinks he's, well, suave, and he really isn't as "Rico Suave." That said, I wouldn't want to listen to it more than, say, once very 10 years, like now.

Die, Hollaback Girl, and be quick about it.

Posted by: Patti M. at November 12, 2008 12:29 PM

Oh, dear, and you've probably told me that before, too. I guess she doesn't really make an impression.

Posted by: Maggie at November 12, 2008 12:32 PM

I think I'm going to depart from the other listeners this time around. While both songs did add to my suffering, I found Hollaback girl to be more annoying.

She had essentially 2 verses which she surrounded with the very clever "this is my shit" and "I ain't no Hollaback girl" many, many times. First, thank you for letting me know whose shit it was. That will save me having to get it DNA tested to find out who should clean it up. Second, it's not bananas. It's shit. I'm concerned that you can't tell the difference. But, to be clear, it is shit. Don't eat it!

Gerardo's song was equally stupid, but he gets credit for having more inventive lyrics. For one thing, he sang in two languages. And his 'rap', if you can call it that, was more on the beat in his native language. So, I can forgive the awkwardness of the English rap a bit. Second, I think there was a little originality there. He was arrogant, but was also honest and unapologetic about his arrogance. He said "I'm a gigolo" and if you don't want that, I'm gone. In the last verse, he makes the girl really regret making him meet her parents. Sure, he's an ass, but he owns up to it. And he does it using more interesting language. He doesn't equate bodily functions and fruit even once!

As a bonus, Taco Grande is really funny. We couldn't have had it without this song. That gives Rico the slightest bit of redeeming value.

Gwen, the only way your song is going to Holla Back is from beyond the grave. Die!

Posted by: briwei at November 12, 2008 12:37 PM

Also, I still occasionally hear people refer to someone as a "Rico Suave type." There are already lots and lots of colorful terms for a "hollaback girl" so I think that term will soon be forgotten.

Posted by: Julie at November 12, 2008 1:42 PM

Ok, I've showered...sooooooo...

Gwen Stefani says the word "shit" ten times in the first 41 seconds. The first nine times she says "that's my shit", and the very first time sounds like she's actually producing said fecal material. I wonder, is she carrying it in a baggie or pointing into the toilet? I bet the latter, because that's where this song (well, it's really not a song) belongs.
But then we find out that she shits bananas. This song is a scatological nightmare perpetrated by a no-talent assclown.

Speaking of no-talent assclowns, we now have Gerardo. Instead of fecophilia on display you have objectification of women. However, this song does have two things going for it. First, it draws on latin rythms, rather than cheerleader rythms. Second, it's bilingual. Kind of like a "Dora the Explorer" episode for fans of lousy rap.

I'll take a feeble attempt at multicultural drivel over drivel that displays the cultural regression that is today's ghetto vernacular.

Rico Suave wins...but just barely.

Uh-huh, that's my shit.

Posted by: Bull at November 12, 2008 2:06 PM

Shoot, I don't even have to listen to them both to decide. It's Hollaback Girl FTL. I haaaaaate that song.

Posted by: pam at November 21, 2008 2:08 PM

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