Aces Full of Links

Anyone else get strange messages on their voicemail now and again?

Sounds like someone has you on speed dial and the right buttons got pushed while the phone was in his pocket. I briefly (very briefly) had a cell phone that didn't have a protected keypad, it was a loaner from T-mobile, it got knocked around in my bag and called my home phone.

I don't recognize the voices and I can't imagine why anyone would have my office number on speed dial.

Maybe it was a redial?

Maybe a redial. Or maybe, possibly, the keypad is worse than any I've ever seen, and you were dialed randomly by a jumpy cat.

At a previous address, I used to occasionally come home to phone messages that sounded like someone from United (or was it American) Airlines answering the phone. "Hello? Hello?"

If I call my house from the office and hang up just before the answering machine kicks in, sometimes I end up with a weird dead air message, like maybe my office phone doesn't release the line right away when I hang up. Annoying.

By the way, if anyone wants to put on lots of weight, may I recommend the eggnog pancakes from IHOP? They are insanely delicious.

Anyone else get strange messages on their voicemail now and again?

Why yes, I had my fair share at one company. Let me share with you this little gem.

When I worked for a branch of Houghton Mifflin (HMI), I routinely received calls for Habit Management Institute (HMI), a methadone clinic.

One morning, I came in to find a voicemail that featured a rather high-pitched, whiny-voiced man saying this:

"Hello? Hello m'am? You said you was gonna pick me up a the train station." (He elongated the word "train" and put an extra whine into it.)

Truly the best of the weird. I have always wished that I had been able to save that one.

Oh - well I think I've mentioned before that I once had a message from "Aunt Minnie" who would be waiting for me to pick her up after church.

I wouldn't call it a strange message; it was just a wrong number. This was before I had Caller ID, and she didn't leave a number, so I had no way to let Aunt Minnie know that no one was going to be picking her up. For all I know, she could still be waiting.

That sounds like a ghost story.

"And to this day, they say if you stand near the church door on a moonlit night, you can see Aunt Minnie clicking her rosary beads and waiting for her ride home."

I get weird calls a lot, although many years ago I had an answering machine message that made me quite sad. It was from a young lady calling to tell some other young lady that she had a wonderful time the night before. She concluded the message with "I love you, and I hope you call me soon."

It was a heartfelt message delivered to the wrong number. She didn't leave her number so I couldn't call her back--and I had no idea if she had been seduced and given a random phone number. The upside is she never called back to my knowledge, so I figure it was simply a wrong number as opposed to her having been misled. But I wonder about her from time to time, wondering if she ever got back in touch with the person she had fallen in love with.