December 23, 2008

That XMas Song Must Die 3

We've got the dregs left over now. Nothing can match the loathing generated by "The Christmas Shoes" but there are some remaining "favorites" to hate on.

I didn't get even one suggestion via email! But I did get a couple of votes at the caroling party. So, here is a list for your approval.

  • Wonderful Christmastime (Paul McCartney)
    • This was one that many people said I had to have in my competition. I know Maggie doesn't like it. But it also came up multiple times when other people were prompted for the worst song they could think of. You be the judge. I think my skill in finding bad Xmas music may be too much of a challenge for this track.
  • Christmastime (The Smashing Pumpkins)
    • I couldn't find a Nine Inch Nails Christmas song, so you'll have to settle for this slightly creepy Xmas tune.
  • Merry Christmas With Love (Clay Aiken)
    • What's a list of good music without Clay?
  • All I Want For Christmas Is A Hippopotamus (Gayla Peevey)
    • Wow, I'd never heard this before. I don't remember who mentioned it to me, but THANKS!!
  • We Wish You A Merry Christmas (Crazy Frog)
    • I'll never understand the Crazy Frog ring tone fad. In any case, his Christmas tune has all the charm of a bilabial fricative.
  • Love On Layaway (Gloria Estefan)
    • I'll leave this one to you.
  • Santa Claus' Party (Les Baxter)
    • I like lounge music, so I have mixed feelings here. But I imagine this could really grate on people's nerves.

That's a lot of Xmas music criticism. Think you can handle it?


(I didn't find a Nine Inch Nails Christmas song, but I did find someone who set Nine Inch Nails lyrics to Christmas tunes. Trippy! (Er, it's Nine Inch Nails lyrics, so NSFW & NSFK)

You know, it's not just music that can be bad on Christmas. Imagine it's a couple of days before Xmas and your apartment neighbor decides to use a blowtorch to melt some of the ice on the building... This story brought to you From New Bedford.

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Posted by James at December 23, 2008 10:22 AM
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I was afraid to play these for fear of losing what little holiday spirit I have left... right now the family plans are in peril and everyone's cranky.

I figured 30 seconds of each wouldn't hurt, but sadly, it let me play most of them in full except for Clay Aiken and Gloria Estefan.

I liked the Les Baxter thing because this is exactly the kind of old-style corny crap I love for the holidays. Was this from the soundtrack of a Rankin-Bass special? Was this in Rudolph? (I didn't watch it this year, so you were all spared my annual rant.) I think I may have this!

What I do NOT like is new-style corny crap like the Smashing Pumpkins thing. Or the Clay Aiken thing. ("What's a list of good music without Clay?" It's a list of good music, silly!)

I'd love not to hate Paul McCartney's song, but it's an effort. I feel the same way about Gloria Estefan in general. I like her; I just don't want her to sing any of her own stuff.

The hippo song is too shrill, but I can imagine someone, somewhere, liking it.

But Crazy Frog has got to go. Hopefully the reindeer will spare Grandma this time and run over the Crazy Frog instead. (I was too stressed out last week to think of it, but I'd like "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" to get run over too.)

Posted by: Julie at December 23, 2008 10:48 AM

I think that Les Baxter song was on the "Elf" soundtrack. Perhaps elsewhere as well.

Posted by: James at December 23, 2008 10:53 AM

BTW - I'm glad this is the last Xmas Song Must Die entry for the year, because I've had enough of researching bad Xmas music!

Posted by: James at December 23, 2008 2:44 PM

Sorry James, I meant to send you a link to some of the bad crap I posted, but time got away from me. But as you've proven, there's plenty to go around, and there are still greats out there like "A Christmas to Remember" by Dolly and Kenny.

Anyway, Christmastime by Smashing Pumpkins is the one that needs to die the most here. Precisely because of the artist. I love Smashing Pumpkins, but their style, as the song demonstrates, is best when applied to rock. BTW, we have the "Very Special Christmas" CD that this song came from. There are some very weird songs on it - Chris Cornell singing "Ave Maria", and Patty Smith singing "We Three Kings" which is actually pretty good...dark, but good.

Posted by: Bull at December 23, 2008 10:21 PM

Somehow you've managed to avoid two Christmas songs I despise beyond all measure: Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer, and Blue Christmas. Not having had to hear those has me singing It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

Posted by: Chuck S. at December 23, 2008 11:38 PM

I don't know why I didn't include "Grandma" -- that song is truly bad. Next year! ;-)

Posted by: James at December 24, 2008 12:20 AM

I LOVE "Blue Christmas" (most versions, anyway - the Elvis one grates quickly), but as I mentioned previously... "Grandma" is just awful.

Bull pretty well explains what is wrong with the Smashing Pumpkins thing. I kept waiting for the song to take an interesting turn, but it stubbornly remained earnestly sappy. Ugh. (I wouldn't mind hearing Chris Cornell sing Ave Maria, though.)

Posted by: Julie at December 24, 2008 9:04 AM

Now "Blue Christmas" -- *that's* in a Rankin-Bass Christmas special. I think it's the one where Santa decides he's not coming, and a little girl writes him a letter while she sings "Blue Christmas" and cries on her letter. I like the Elvis version.

Nobody I know would play any of these songs except the Paul McCartney one, which is why that one must die. It's the only one that I've ever heard, and therefore the only one that's ever bothered me.

Really, Paul? Having a wonderful Christmas there, back in the eighties or whenever you recorded it, obscenely wealthy, famous, happily married with a family, getting to compose simply hideous Christmas songs and have people play them? What soul.

Posted by: Maggie at December 28, 2008 9:45 AM

I never liked Jingle Bell Rock (any version) either, but I think that one might just be a personal problem.

We are having our #4 family Christmas event today, but I'm pretty sure there won't be Christmas music. The kids' new PS3 games would drown it out anyway.

Posted by: Julie at December 28, 2008 10:54 AM

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